I'm so tired I'm dribbling

Tiredness......all day and most of the night..why?
I thought the anxiety had left but it hasn't..I find myself wanting to go to bed but unable to sleep through fear, total and utter panic all the time.
I am now at falling over status..today whilst waiting in the car for mum and Em to get school uniforms, I fell asleep.
I was beyond tired, reading a magazine previously..it just made me more sleepy and before you know it, I was lolling my head back, enjoying the gorgeous breeze and cooler conditions. I closed my eyes for a second I swear and knew immediately I was snoring, pretty sure I was snoring LOL.
My own snoring woke me up as did the giggle of 2 teenagers who must of heard my chainsaw noises reverberating through the car.
i had the telltale dribble running down the sides of my mouth..how embarrasing, but I really did not pay much notice to others, just focused of trying to find a tissue to wipe away the spittle.
I'm sure I detected the faint taste of flies in my mouth too.
I must of passed out at least 5 times in the half hour in the car....thank god there were not too many teenagers around.
Now at critical sleep status...please please roll around bed time for the kiddies because I'm going to go to bed with Dooper Dog at 7.30 tonight........................

In case of a Tsunami

It may never happen here but because of my habit of 'dreaming' things I'm always so cautious.....I have an escape route if we get more than a 15 minute warning that a Tsunami is imminent.
1: throw the kids in the car
2: rip the computer tower out
3: grab my purse and phone
4: swear loudly
5: head for the cemetery road, ignoring most of the road signs if possible
6: get to 10 mile hill and keep driving


If in the event we get less than 15 minutes warning..this is my plan..

1: rip my bra off
2: get kids to hold onto both my boobs..they are huge!!!!
3: tell them to hold on for dear life
4: Be proud my boobs are at national geographic level
5: Remember that fat people have built in flotation devices all over their bodies, we are more likely to survive than a thin person because we can float above the king wave with ease :)
So there you go..Tsunami's are nothing to be scared of if your body is goddess status......

Meltdown!!

Yep!! meltdown number 300000000 for Ava, all over nothing..yep nothing, if shes not screaming shes throwing, if she's not throwing she's pulling awful faces and throwing herself from one room to the other. Even if you contain her she scratches you and bites....sometimes its so bad even I am crying, today I'm laughing.
Because quite frankly, having a child with a dysfunctional regulator is exhausting.
Her monotone voice irks me, and her door slamming makes me want to rip the door off and leave it out the back. Insane, screaming crying disturbs me.
Luckily, Emily and I are thick skinned, I do draw the line at her throwing hard objects though, Emily only copped a readers digest magazine..I on the other hand am told that I don't understand her and to " go stuff a chicken!"
Here's today's proof....

That last picture could have been disaster but I pulled her up for it..she got a nasty grin on her face...needless to say the wooden object is now banned..grrrrrrrr.

If only it was so easy...

Today at the park, i was privy to a wonderful display of love from two magpie parents. Their babies were asking to be fed as I sat in my car, enjoying the wonderful airconditioning (humidity was over 85% ergghhh).
anyway, Emily was gladly scoffing down some KFC and the magpies were yelling at us.
Baby number one started squawking (much like my 4 year old at dinner time ,because if I didn't feed her then I may just get a punch in the guts!!)
An obligatory chip was tossed their way and mummy bird promptly tried to 'kill' the chip. Can you imagine us doing that? LOL.
baby bird, hopped over to mummy bird and with much yelling opened its mouth wide to receive the most wonderful starch stick on earth.
If only it was that easy for us..we could eat, and set our children below us and regurge our lovely stomach contents, no washing up, no cutting up and no "please eat your vegetables".
No tantrums (because if you didn't eat it children then you would bloody well starve, no other parent is going to regurge for you, you may not be a curry lover after all).

So seeing those gorgeous maggies made me think of the simplicities that have left my life of recent..time to get those back, and if it means watching the joys of regurge then so be it.

chicken excrete

Well that's what my dad calls it..and he's right..
Yesterday I bought Chicken Treat for the kids and because I love their coleslaw decided that today I would have some for lunch..it was not normally so creamy and sweet, so me being me I ate a fair bit..I should have known, I really should have :(.
Within half and hour my bum cheeks were quivering and my stomach rolled in directions only a yoga guru could achieve, toilet roll was running low and tissues were the only thing on hand. You know that insane eye squeeze you do when you are bent double on the toilet bowl and your toes are clenched, the exhaust fan was on so the teens didn't here the big mumma groaning and squealing. Its very hard when child number two, bursts into your room yelling "MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" what are you doing in there? what is that noise?.

So much for dignity. Nonetheless chicken Treat gets my distinct number one vote for causing ass burn and a sore tum and my number two vote for wasting my money on a perfectly yummy coleslaw that was simply too good to be true.
Nine visits to the porcelain later, my stomach has settled. A slight fever hovers over me and a sour taste of nausea burns my throat.
My dad always said Chicken Treat gave him the shits..still..over the years he has continued to eat it....its highly likely i will too!! LOL

the joys of teenagers

The smells, the awful smells, some just have me gagging..I can't stand the overuse of perfumes and deodorants, my inhaler is permanently down my bra, just in case asthma takes over. Sometimes the air is so thick with teen smell eraser that my nostrils flare and burn, my throat itches and my eyes water, I suppose that's why the 'impulse' is kind of banned and replaced with more expensive pleasant memory elixirs, that don't choke you on impact, bring you to your knees.

She asks me "Mum , do I smell nice?"

reply " umm *cough*, splutter*, wheeze*..sure love, its really suits you"

2 years ago perfume was a dirty word for her, any kind of deodorant stick dried up in the cupboard and the thought of making yourself smell nice was just not the fashion.

How fast they grow, I once used to brush her hair, lay her clothes out and clean her room, now she spends a zillion hours in the bathroom straightening her already straightened hair over and over and over. Even the nits get burnt beyond belief, so no need for treatment there.

Her clothes tend to lay themselves out all over the floor, the bathroom, the laundry and sometimes the front door ( I have found several white socks festering underneath a mound of shoes, only to be asked once again whether I've seen any socks for school).

Umm ...teenager, they are where you left them.......the washing machine literally screams at her clothes when they eventually crawl inside..I'm surprised the machine is not suffering asthma and allergies as well. Pass the Ventolin!!.

Cleaning her room is torture, therefore I gave up over a year ago in the hopes she would take responsibility for all the rotten fruit left in her school bag, on the floor, the lolly wrappers, chip packets that have been bought with school lunch money, we have an ant problem teenager!!, sleep in peril if you must but don't complain about those bites all over your body because you are sleeping on corn chips!!....

Gag factor does not even come close, eventually amidst all the rubbish and dirty washing, love notes and screwed up school work, the teens rallies and 'starts' cleaning, I say start because cleaning the bedroom can take anywhere from 3 hours to 3 weeks.

I draw the line at bananas being taken to school because they never get eaten, just left behind to have a mould party all on their own, school work has been submitted with a distinct green or grey tinge at times.

Thankfully now, with her social circle expanding and her desire to make a good impression, the room doesn't fare too bad. Sure, there are lots of chips out of the walls and blue tac everywhere, clothes are still an issue but the rotten fruit smell has at least stopped..sometimes there is a whiff of displeasure but all in all, she has made improvements.

It beats taking her door off and replacing it with a baby gate when her room is beyond hell.

Its joyful watching her become a young woman, I enjoy her company immensely and its oh so nicer to walk into to her room rather than use the digger to put her clean washing in.

For what its worth, teenagers wouldn't be teenagers unless they pissed you off a little and still needed their parents at the same time .xoxox