Today I think that I may just blah blah about some things..random dribble...well at least that's what I think it is.
I am watching Ava play in her tent, enjoying being a velociraptor..eating her 'kill'. Dinosaur play is abound in this household everyday....some days I am a huge brachiosaurus, eating leaves and pond scum. Its my job to fend of the huge T-Rex Rudy, who throws me down in one foul swoop and bites my neck. Yes my 5 year old daughter likes the thrill of the chase too...I can't tell you how many bruises I have from her accidentally biting me on purpose or the scratches on my belly from her using her raptor claws..sometimes a little too eager . LOL.
So random things....I am pretty observant and this week has presented me with some extreme issues.
1: Ava has taken to asking me the same question over and over in regard to books, movies, T.V shows, YouTube and anything really. That question is "Is is appropriate?" huh? where did she pick this big word up from? oh yes..its me.. I used it once in reference to her doing something inappropriate..guess it stuck. How long that question remains is open for negotiation.
2: Emily wants blue hair, yes the electric blue hair..look, I'm not opposed entirely and if she wants it that's fine but it WILL only last a week..hope you are reading this my daughter.
3: INSOMNIA: nothing new really but its been taken to a whole new level..no sleep whatsoever and passing out in my coffee by midday does not help Ava with home schooling does it?. I swear I dribbled most of the day and my eyes crossed over to the dark side several times. must make an effort to wind down in the evenings, I'm going to kill myself by lack of zzzzzzzzzzzzz's.

OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!

4: Smoking again..yep I feel the need for a ciggie everyday..so so bad and I know my kids will hate me but its my only release ATM..send me cigars and I may quit or some of those Bali cigarettes.

5: Lack of interest in food, cooking, shopping, food, shopping, cooking, did I say food? I hate it, which we never had to feed others or ourselves..nothing about food makes me happy. I used to love cooking but now its a chore..one I reluctantly do...will probably replace food with vodka..what do you reckon?

I WARNED THE KIDS THIS COULD HAPPEN!

6: Home renovations: yes I finally relented and am allowing someone to come into our house to lay our floors, we have the money but I hate strangers in my home, I am social phobe..no self esteem and feel a bit inadequate as a housekeeper..some have said its Leo pride..it probably is, but the floor man made me comfortable :) and I told myself to suck it up..told myself not to let my head go there, I can always pretend I'm not there..wheres my invisible coat though?.
7: Well there is so much more but its too complicated and personal to reveal here..what I will say is that its slowly being sorted..ever so slowly my life seems to be tracking the way I want it within some constraint..I often do wish for a 'different' life but don't we all? that's why they are called pipe dreams.
As long as I have my husband, my kids and my camera I'm pretty much happy, just don't ask me to cook!!! you never know what I'll serve or even if its edible....did I tell you how often my kids have eaten out of a can or a frozen box this last month?. Laziness yes but more a lack of enthusiasm.
I want my cooking mojo back...however am I going to complete the long awaited gumbo and souffle?