... I only wish I could have been there to hold her hand but it seems alot of hand holding was done by the new people in her lives. She did not need me and that gives me confidence in letting go just that little bit more. Trusting others with my children is a big thing for me, considering how Greg and I parted ways. He was not a nice person towards the end and I cut my looses and ran.
All is well it seems, Emily I think, finally has a place. This may have been the one thing she needed to help her on her teen road.
She has met her birth father and has identified with him already. They are very similar to look at and in nature. I feel proud to have raised her, as does Graeme. He is her Dad after all, and she made that clear to him with lots of hugs and kisses and reassurance.
I had a little tear in my eye when they talked and also felt quite emotional at Emily's happy and relieved face when she walked into the room to see me this afternoon.
Of course time will tell if things pan out, I already see warmth and goodness all around. Both her grandparents have welcomed her with open arms (and lots of cake apparently lol).
Greg could not stop kissing and cuddling her, he has changed immensely, hes not the monster loser he used to be, I mean it wasn't all bad..we did produce the most divine daughter, we had a whirlwind relationship but because of certain lifestyle choices on his behalf it just ended so horribly.
I'm glad he's cleaned himself up and he has a stable job. His party ways have stopped and hes now ready to take on a new chapter in his life...a teenage girl.
I am dead scared of course...of her leaving me and wanting to be with him, shes still too young in my opinion for making those choices and I think I know in reality she would never leave her mum or her baby sister, that would break everyone up.
So I think I let go today....I finally felt comfortable and trusting in my own instincts to be the bigger person and give to Greg and Emily the chance to know each other, to invade each other and to form a beautiful bond.
In essence everyone needs a sense of identity, even if we say we may never want to meet a birth parent if they have been out of our lives for a long time, I think we do...I have waited and waited for Em to make the decisions, maturity has seen her decide that this year was the year,. honestly it could not have come at a better time considering my marriage issues, this will free her up to escape if need be, to have someone else to talk to, and to generally air things she may need emotionally. she can be very closed and guarded.
My heart is leaping with joy at all the new excitement in her life. If only my life had that wow factor!! LOL
I don't want to put a message here by saying that all children need to know their birth parents because circumstances may not be ideal but having someone else there especially if they are willing to reach out and care, or love you is special.
I want my daughter to know that I never intentionally meant to keep her from him..I could just never find him....I moved on...she knows the ins and outs mostly of my relationship with Greg, good and bad, sad and happy, strong and weak.
She never pushed me to find him, never asked too much, just got on with things, embraced a new Dad in Graeme at 3 years of age. He has raised her too, we are a family. having a little sister has made Em belong..and now she has the chance to plug in the extension cord and get more out of life and relationships.
How intensely soppy am I? I'm sure there will be times her tears will flow and she will need me..shes showing her independence more and more each day...such a unique person, one who makes me smile and makes me proud every day.... love you Emily xoxox
